First Love
by Kamijo Ran
Summary: Mimato, well, sorta... JUST READ IT!!!


first love Disclaimer : I'm getting pretty sick of this, I don't own Digimon dammit!   
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**A.N.**   
Hey!!! Another song-fic from MOI!!!! LOL!!! Aargh!! This is one of my favourite songs from Utada Hikaru!! Warning: It's not the happiest mimato fic. But don't wory, there are no other couples involved. Flames are welcome. I love reading flames!! Hehe.. >, So funny (...to laugh at the different ways people dis you and then laugh again cause you don't give a shit!!! Huahuahua!!) That only applies to all those anti-mimatoists! But it FULLY applies to anti mimatoists that are soratoists. >p Ok, I'm a little out of my head right now, so I think I better just get on with the fanfic before I start to talk about things that are completely out of the subject! so chiao!! Oh yeah, I know a little on the sad side, but hey! This is my story and I'll write how I want to write it! >p LOL!   
Oh yeah, it has some japanese words in it, but translations are in the bootom. 

*Kotobuki Ran aka Ishida Tachikawa Mimi / Nane   
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**_First Love_**

Saigou no KISU wa In your final kiss   
TABAKO no flavor ga shita I could taste the flavour of tobacco   
NIGAkute setsunai kaori It was a bitter and painful smell 

Twenty-five Year old Yamato Ishida leaned back on the futon as he faced the sunlight that shone through his apartment window blinding him a bit. He got up to close the navy blue drapes as the colour darkened the room and glowed against his blonde chin-length hair. He then slightly opened the curtains a bit just so he can see the conditions from the 6th floor. People. Each one of them with a smile drawn on their face. A normal sunshine day. How can people stand it? Running around thinking that life is good. The thought of that makes him wants to barf. It makes him loose his appetite. It's just plain sick. Life is not good. To him, life is just another hell. And he's its victim. He's experienced more sadness than happiness. And everyday he'll indulge more pessimistic thoughts inside his head until he no longer believes in eternal bliss. And he'll just wait, waiting for the abyss to take him in, but it doesn't come for him. It doesn't want him.   
He grabbed his pack of cigarettes and breathed heavily as he inhaled the nicotine, savouring the smell. Disgusting, yet satisfying. Clouds of smoke drifted around him. Turning itself to clouds of memories lost behind. He opened the window a bit letting the air flow through. At that very moment, he wanted to cry as his eyes were turning red.   
A small yawn came from the futon, as he turned his attention to the woman with the shoulder-length pink hair. She was the woman who kept him alive throughout all these years. She has turned into his one and only weakness. She heavily flutter opened her eyes eyeing the blonde as innocence played upon her face. He quickly put the cigarette out and threw the remains out the window. He took his gaze away from her, now looking at the concrete wall. Her innocence only made his sins stand out. He then turned back his attention to her as he ran his fingers through his messed up hair.   
"Ohayou Gozaimasu", his cracked up voice spoke as he forced a smile on his face. Just for her, he would do that.   
"Ohayou Yama-chan", she said as she yawned. She pushed herself off the futon and made her way to him. She had fallen asleep in his apartment the night before. She clung herself to his arm as she rested her head on his shoulder. She sighed heavily and then looked into his blood-shot eyes.   
"Yamato?", She studied his face carefully. "Doushitano?"   
"Iie." he said with his forced smile again shaking his head.   
She wanted to believe him, but couldn't. She said nothing in reply but just hugged him tightly.   
She looked up to him again and this time he looked down at her and softly gave her another one of his everlasting kiss. 

Ashita no imagoro ni wa At about this time tomorrow   
Anata wa doko ni iru n darou I wonder where you'll be   
Dare wo omotteru n darou I wonder who you'll be thinking of 

"Mimi-koishii.." he said as he parted from her.   
"Nani?" she softly replied.   
"Dearou… We shouldn't be together", he softly said in his lowest voice.   
"Nani?!" She gasped.   
"You heard me…"   
"Demo--"   
"You're too good for me" he quickly interrupted her.   
"Yama--"   
"Mimi… I know that if you're with me. Sooner or later, I'll end up hurting you…"   
"Demo--"   
"And… That's the last thing I want to do. I don't want to drag you along with my misery.."   
A long silence was between them. They were both in the verge of tears. She turned her face down as he softly brushed her smooth cheek with his rough fingers. She stiffened to his touch and brushed his hand away still not wanting to see his face.   
"Mimi…" he said softly as his voice started to break. "Aishiteru… Now and forever… Onegai… Understand me…"   
She said nothing. He reached his hand out to her face again.   
"Dame da!!" She yelled as she slapped his hand away. Tears started to rush down her cheeks. She found herself backing away from him. "Yamato no baka…"   
He felt his soul crumple down to the smallest particle. He hated to do this, but his opinion stood still.   
"Koishii…"   
"Yamete!" she screamed. "Don't call me that if you still think we shouldn't be together!!!"   
"Mimi…"   
She covered her face with her hands and started to wipe away her tears harshly. She couldn't help but feel the bleeding of those thousands of knives that was stabbed through her back. She started to make her way to the door.   
"Yamato…" she said with her back to him in her lowest voice barely audible as she turned the doorknob. "You say you don't want to hurt me… But you just did… And for some weird reason I still love you…"   
He still stood speechless. Unable to move. Tears started to form under his eyelids.   
"O-daijini" she said softly as she made her way out of his apartment. Or maybe out of his life. 

You are always gonna be my love You are always gonna be my love   
Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo Even if someday, you fall in love with someone else   
I'll remember to love I'll remember to love   
You taught me how You taught me how   
You are always gonna be the one You are always gonna be the one   
Ima wa mada kanashii love song For now, it's still a sad love song   
Atarashi uta utaeru made Until I can sing a new one   


Twenty-four year old Mimi Tachikawa leaned back in front of his apartment door.   
She couldn't stop crying no matter how hard she tries to wipe it dry. The only person she depended on has burned a hole in her soul. She doesn't understand him. And here she thought she knew him well. It makes her feel as though through all these years she has been living a lie. But she was positive she loved him. No, she is positive she loves him. Everything is confusing. Everything is not understood. Only one thing to her was clear. She had to get away and let him have his way once in a while. She has been stubborn most of her life, and he gave her almost everything she wanted. Why can't she do the same for him? Maybe it was for the best… At least that what he thought, but did she think so too? Thoughts of what she could have said back there runs across her mind over and over again. There was only one thing she was sure of at the moment. She had to get out of there. She wants to forget this ever happened. She wants to forget they ever happened. It's times like these where she wishes she was more insensitive. She ran across his hallway making her way out of there to the nearest emergency stairs. She ran down the steps, going as fast as her feet could go, and as she reaches the exit, she stopped. She felt the cold metal handle of the door. She was out of breath, but that was the last thing on her mind right at that moment. She knew that once the door opened, and once she gets out of the building, she would no longer come back. She would no longer be welcomed there. She took a deep breath as she opened the heavy metal door, and exited the building.   
She looked up to the clear blue sky and saw the sun shining brightly. She held out her hand and let the sunshine illuminate her hands. She looked up and squinted at the light.   
"Is this what he took away from me? Or is this what he gave me?" She questioned herself.   
There were just so many things she wants to forget, and so many things she can't forget, which only made things harder for her to go on. 

Tachidomaru jikan ga When I stop moving   
Ugokidasou to shiteru I try to move on   
Wasuretakunai koto bakari It's nothing but things I don't want to forget 

Mimi Tachikawa walked along the sidewalk of a lonely street. So many things still reminded her of him, and she misses him already. Trying to avoid them, she hung her head down just staring at the pavement, and skipping over the cracks.   
Hopefully she'll find good luck later on. But what good is luck without him around?   
All these years… And she has stood by him most of the time, supporting him all these years. She never really expected anything in return, except him being with her forever. And that's funny, cause she didn't get that either. Maybe her luck has turned around. She has gotten almost everything she wanted in life, but now, she has lost the one and only thing that she needed in order to be happy. Maybe this just wasn't her day. Maybe tomorrow she'll wake up and find out everything was just a bad dream that will never again come back. With tears of bitterness threatened to spill down her cheeks, she glanced at the sky. The clouds started to turn orange with tints of red. It's dusk.   
Time really does pass by fast when a lot is on your mind. 

Ashita no imagoro ni wa At about this time tomorrow   
Watashi wa kitto naiteru I'm sure I'll be crying   
Anata wo omotteru n darou And I'll probably be thinking of you 

Mimi closed the window of her room and drew her pink curtains. She sat herself on her bed. A framed picture was set on her bedside table. She slowly reached out for it with her trembling fingers. She stared at the picture for a while. A happy couple, his arms around her waist, her arms around his neck, posing for the camera with a smile on both their faces. This time, she just couldn't help it. The tears came back and this time she didn't bother to wipe them away. She let them all fall. A river of tears, rushing endlessly. She hugged the picture tightly, pressing it against her chest, hoping that it will somewhat fill that empty space in her heart that was once filled. 

You will always be inside my heart You will always be inside my heart   
Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara Because it's a place that will forever be yours alone   
I hope that I have a place in your heart too I hope that I have a place in your heart too   
Now and forever you are still the one Now and forever you are still the one   
Ima wa mada kanashii love song For now, it's still a sad love song   
Atarashii uta utaeru made Until I can sing a new one 

Yamato Ishida sat on the edge of his window, looking down at the lights of the city. Now this was the view that he likes. He wonders what Mimi is doing right now. His expressionless face stared at the view once more before he stood up and made his way to his bedroom. He sat on the edge of his bed and his glance caught the frame laid on his desk. He gripped the frame and stared at the picture. The hole in his heart seemed to have grown bigger. He saw a drip of liquid fall on the corner of the frame. He knew he was crying again. He loves her. He needs her. He did it for her own good. So that he wouldn't bring her into his miserable life. It's for the best, isn't it? There was only one thing he was sure of. That he, Yamato Ishida, is biggest fucked up loser in the world. 

You are always gonna be my love You are always gonna be my love   
Itsuka dareka to mata koi ni ochitemo Even if someday, you fall in love with someone else   
I'll remember to love I'll remember to love   
You taught me how You taught me how   
You are always gonna be the one You are always gonna be the one   
Mada kanashii love song It's still a sad love song   
Now & forever... Now & forever… 

THE END   
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**Translations**:   
Ohayou Gozaimasu = Good morning   
Doushitano = What's the matter?   
Iie = Nothing / No   
Koishii = Love or Darling   
Dearou = I think   
Nani = What   
Demo = But   
Aishiteru = I love you   
Onegai = Please   
Dame da!! = Stop It! / It's no use! / Quit it!   
Yamato no baka = Yamato, you stupid   
Yamete! = Stop that!   
O'daijini = Take care 

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Review!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT REVIEWS!!!!!! 


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